Living your Core Values

Photo credits Riccardo Annandale

Values are principles we live by and things that drive us to action and to succeed. It is who we are. When our core values are honoured, we are happy, we live life to the fullest and we taste success. When they are not, we are unhappy, we feel stressed, and our success is blocked.

Values come in 2 forms – fear based values and conscious based values.

• If your values are rooted in fear, they are likely not serving you well. Sometimes fear based values are a result of must-dos that were instilled in us by parents or society.

• Conscious based values may also have been instilled in us by parents or society but on the other hand, we are consciously aware of them and have chosen to live those values.

Here is an example to help understand the difference. Let’s take the value of “Community”. Maybe you grew up in a family that was active in the community and you spent several hours each month at community events. You did it because it was expected of you. You did not really enjoy it and looked at it as a chore. It also became a habit and as an adult you continue to participate in these events. You have accepted that community is one of your values. Ask yourself why the value is important to you. Is it out of fear of punishment or judgement; or is it because you consciously want to honour that value. If it’s a fear-based value, give yourself permission to replace it with something that is more important to you. To follow through on the community example, perhaps it is the environment that means more to you and you may want to spend time getting involved in environmental matters rather than community events. Whatever it may be, when values are based on conscious choice versus fear, they allow you to take positive action. There is no judgement around values, it is who you are! They are the principles that guide your day to day life.

With that backdrop, I will share with you a few nuggets from my journey with values. My top two values are Integrity and Accomplishment. While the basis of my values goes back to my roots, these are values I have consciously embraced. Here is how they play out in my life.

• Integrity: For me, integrity means doing the right thing even when it is inconvenient. Because of this value, I strive to do what is right. For example, I will follow through on a commitment I’ve made even if it means working long hours to keep that commitment.

• Accomplishment: This value was introduced in early childhood. My parents encouraged me to achieve and early successes helped to fortify this value. Today, it drives me to accomplish things big and small. I want to be productive (accomplished) in my professional and personal life. At work it causes me to take on more and seek out new opportunities! It has helped move my career forward. In my personal life, it could be a simple accomplishment like completing a household chore on a Saturday morning, that brings me great joy! My family doesn’t always understand this drive to accomplish – can you blame them?

When our core values are being honoured, we are happy and our stress levels are low. Work doesn’t feel like work and life is good! On the contrary, when our values are not honoured, it leads to stress, unhappiness and in-authenticity. Here’s how it plays out for me.

• When my value of integrity is not honoured, I feel stressed. For example, if I am not able to keep a commitment, I get anxious because I feel it’s my integrity at stake. As a result, I bend backwards to do something I said I would do. In the same light, when I sense there is a lack of integrity in a situation, it upsets me. I am learning to do better in this area and to find ways to manage such situations better.

• Finally, the value of accomplishment – Oh, boy! This is my driver, the thing that pushes me to do things, the thing that stresses me when my weekend goes by without me “accomplishing a thing”! This value causes frustration for my family. At the end of a weekend, I may just begin my linen closet cleanup because I am driven to accomplish and haven’t seen any concrete accomplishments that weekend. It causes me stress to sit around and do nothing. Now that I am aware of this value that brings me great joy when it is honored but stress when it is not, I have learnt to plan my relaxation so that I can check it off as an accomplishment. You may think it is crazy and it probably is; but it works for me and I feel much more peaceful as a result.

So, what are your core values? What drives you, brings you joy, makes you complete? Are they rooted in fear or conscious choice? On the contrary, how do those same values cause you stress when they are not honoured? Not all stress is the result of our values not being honoured, but when our values are not honoured, it will always cause stress. Identifying these stressors, pinpointing the root cause and coming up with strategies to work through them are some of the ways you can begin. I have a great values assessment tool that will help you pinpoint your values and how you are living those values in the present moment. Message me and I will be happy to share it with you.

“When who you are aligns with what you do and how you do it, success is yours”

- Bruce D. Schneider

Stay true to your values and you will reduce your stress and live a more fulfilled life!